Codependency – How To Heal And Change

I want to share a little tale with you from my journey as a life coach. 

Remember Lucy from the Peanuts comics, setting up her little booth with a sign, “Psychiatrist 5¢”? 

Once, a friend gifted me a similar sign, but instead of “psychiatrist,” it read, “Life Coach 5¢”. 

It was a fun reminder of how, just like Lucy, I’m always here to lend an ear. 

But unlike Lucy, I’ve learned an essential lesson: to listen without letting others’ problems consume me.

People from all walks of life share their challenges with me every day. 

And honestly, if I absorbed every worry they brought to my “5¢ booth”, I’d be emotionally bankrupt in a heartbeat. 

But here’s the silver lining: I’ve learned the art of deeply caring without getting caught in the emotional whirlwind.

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What Is Codependency?

In simple terms, codependency is a behavioral pattern where one person relies excessively on another for emotional or psychological support. 

It’s when our sense of self-worth or emotional well-being intertwines with someone else’s actions or feelings.

It’s natural to care about our loved ones and want the best for them.

However, where we need to draw the line is when our happiness starts to rely solely on theirs. 

Think about it this way: If you’re on a teeter-totter, and your end is constantly in the mud while the other person’s end is up in the clouds, that’s an imbalance that’s neither fair nor sustainable.

Why Do We Become Codependent?

So, why do we become codependent? 

Often, it stems from childhood experiences or past relationships where our needs weren’t met or acknowledged. 

Over time, we may develop beliefs that our feelings aren’t as important, leading to seeking validation and security outside ourselves.

I recently did a video on How To Stop Seeking Validation and Learning To Trust Yourself.  

You find that video in the description.

How To Break Free From Codependence

Let’s switch gears now and focus on breaking free from codependence. 

Here are some actionable steps to help you reclaim your emotional autonomy:

1. Self-awareness: Recognize and admit the patterns. Are you constantly seeking approval? Do you feel responsible for others’ feelings? Awareness is the first step toward change.
2. Establish Boundaries: It’s okay to say no. In fact, it’s healthy! Understand what you’re comfortable with and communicate that. It might feel strange initially, but it’s a game-changer in building balanced relationships.
3. Seek Support: Talk to a therapist or join a support group. These environments can offer guidance, understanding, and tools to help you navigate your journey.
4. Prioritize Self-care: Spend time understanding your needs and desires. Engage in activities that make you feel good and empowered, whether reading, hiking, meditation or simply taking a lazy Sunday afternoon nap.
5. Affirm Your Worth: Repeat after me: “My feelings are valid. My needs are important. I am enough.” Internalize these affirmations. Write them down, say them out loud, and believe them.

Why?

Because you are enough, and you’re worth it.

Balancing Self-Love and Care For Others

We all desire to enhance the joy in our lives each day. 

But getting wrapped up in others’ troubles can be challenging. 

I’m not suggesting we become cold-hearted. 

It’s important to distinguish between genuine concern for someone and becoming excessively burdened by their issues. 

Our emotional states often get intertwined with theirs because of codependency, even though their choices are beyond our control. 

This realization that we can’t sway their decisions intensifies our stress. 

While we might believe our anxiety is beneficial, it often doesn’t serve us or them.

Moving past codependence doesn’t mean you stop caring about others.

 It means you start caring about yourself with the same intensity. 

When you care and love yourself, you bring more love, strength, and positivity to your relationships.

Thanks for joining today’s chat on codependence. 

Remember, you’ve got this; every step you take toward self-love and autonomy makes a difference.