5 Steps To Stop Social Nervousness

Have you ever found yourself in situations where your heart races, your palms get sweaty, and words seem to escape you? 

You’re not alone. We’ve all experienced moments of social nervousness. 

It’s that feeling of unease before a big presentation, the butterflies in your stomach when meeting new people, talking to co-workers, going on a date, or worrying about being judged in social gatherings. 

But guess what? You can conquer it! 

I’ll walk through five practical steps to help you reduce social nervousness and feel more confident and relaxed in social situations. 

So, if you’re ready to take charge of your social anxiety, let’s dive in.

1. Understand Your Anxiety

It’s important to recognize what triggers your social anxiety. 

Is it speaking in public, meeting new people, or attending social events? 

Understanding these triggers can help you prepare and develop strategies to manage your anxiety.

Keeping track of these moments can be pretty insightful, and maintaining a journal can help you notice patterns or specific conditions that exacerbate your anxiety.

Reflecting on your past experiences is also crucial, as social anxiety has roots in earlier life events. 

There may have been an embarrassing moment in school or a series of uncomfortable social interactions that left a lasting impact. 

It’s essential to explore the thoughts and self-talk that accompany your social anxiety. 

Often, anxiety is fueled by negative, critical thoughts about yourself or assumptions about how others perceive you, and we’ll go into this a little more later.

2. Start Small

Try to avoid leaping into highly social situations right away. 

This approach is about gradually exposing yourself to social situations and building up your tolerance and confidence over time. 

It’s challenging and stressful, but it’s a gentle and effective way to ease into more challenging interactions without overwhelming yourself.

Imagine social interactions as a ladder, each rung representing a slightly more challenging scenario. 

You start at the bottom, with situations that induce minimal anxiety. 

This could be as simple as smiling at a stranger, making a brief phone call, or greeting a neighbor. 

These low-stakes interactions are crucial first steps in helping you build confidence.

You can slowly move up the ladder as you become more comfortable with these smaller interactions. 

The next step might involve conversing with a colleague or asking a store employee for help. 

The key is to take these steps at a pace that feels manageable for you. 

There’s no rush; spending time at each step is fine until you feel ready to move on.

This gradual process is incredibly beneficial because it allows you to experience success in smaller, more controlled social settings. 

These successes are powerful; they boost your self-esteem and challenge negative beliefs about your social abilities. 

Each positive experience, no matter how small, chips away at the larger structure of social anxiety.

It’s normal to feel some discomfort as you push your boundaries. 

Over time, situations that once seemed daunting are now within your comfort zone.

3. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Social anxiety often brings a lot of negative self-talk and assumptions about how others view you. 

These thoughts often take the form of self-criticism or catastrophic predictions about social situations, and they can significantly amplify feelings of anxiety.

Try to challenge these thoughts and replace them with more realistic or positive ones.

Become conscious of the negative thoughts when they occur. 

You might notice thoughts like “I’m going to embarrass myself” or “Everyone thinks I’m awkward.” 

These thoughts can be automatic and part of our subconscious, but by paying attention to them, you start changing them.

Once you’re aware of these thoughts, the next step is to challenge them. 

This involves questioning their accuracy and looking for evidence that contradicts them. 

For example, if you think, “I’m going to say something stupid,” ask yourself, “Do I always say something stupid? Are there times when I’ve contributed positively to a conversation?” 

By doing this, you start to see that these thoughts are not facts but assumptions that are not always true.

View the situation from a different perspective. 

Ask yourself how a friend might see the situation or how you would view a friend in the same scenario. 

Often, we are much harsher on ourselves than we are on others.

Replacing negative thoughts with more positive, realistic ones is another key aspect. 

Instead of thinking, “I’m going to embarrass myself,” you could think, “I might make a mistake, and that’s okay. Everyone does at times.” 

This doesn’t mean you must be overly optimistic, but aim for balanced and fair thoughts.

It’s not about eliminating negative thoughts; it’s about developing a more balanced and realistic way of thinking. 

4. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga can help calm your mind and reduce anxiety. 

These practices can be beneficial before facing a situation that you know triggers your anxiety.

Mindfulness is about being present in the moment, observing your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations without judgment. 

Focusing on the present can reduce the tendency to worry about past interactions or fear future ones. 

Relaxation techniques and deep breathing exercises, for example, can help calm the nervous system and reduce stress levels. 

Yoga combines both mindfulness and physical relaxation. 

It involves controlled breathing, physical poses, and meditation, making it an excellent practice for mind and body. 

Integrating these practices into your daily routine can make a significant difference. 

5. Build Your Social Skills

Sometimes, social anxiety can stem from a lack of confidence in social skills. 

One effective way to develop social skills is through structured settings, like workshops or classes. 

These environments offer a safe and supportive space to learn and practice new skills. 

For example, a communication skills workshop might cover starting and maintaining conversations, listening effectively, and understanding body language. 

Similarly, joining a club like Toastmasters can be incredibly beneficial if you want to improve public speaking and gain confidence in expressing yourself.

Role-playing can also help practice social scenarios with a friend, family member, or therapist. 

This can include practicing greetings, making small talk, or handling common social situations like ordering food at a restaurant or asking for help in a store. 

Good social interactions aren’t just about talking but also about listening and responding appropriately. 

Active listening involves fully concentrating on what is being said rather than just passively hearing the words. 

This skill helps build more profound and more meaningful connections with others.

Building social skills is a process, and it’s expected to have setbacks and challenges along the way. 

As you put into practice these techniques, be patient with yourself. 

Celebrate small victories and progress, and remember that every interaction is an opportunity to learn and grow.

The key is consistency and finding the right techniques that work for you. 

Over time, these practices can significantly contribute to reducing social anxiety.

I wish you all the best; stay positive, friends.